So here’s the dealio. I’m a pretty messy girl. I am not good with goals. I’m not good with plans. I don’t particularly love structure and I tend to get claustrophobic if I am bombarded with too many rules and ‘this is how it’s supposed to be’.
I mean, okay, yes. I am a fully functional adult. In college I had a 4.0 in my major and a 3.8 over all (curse you, self-important Spanish professor) so I do know how to put in the work to succeed. This is why I call myself a Type A minus. I want perfection but I’m somewhat lackadaisical about how I get there. I am a quintessential INFP and hard data and details make my eyes glaze over and roll back into my head. Seriously, just typing the words “data” and “details” right now made my brain spasm inside my skull. I might need some Advil.
But more and more lately I’ve been coming to see how a lack of structure and discipline is making my life harder than it should be. In fact, my lack of structure and discipline is what’s keeping me from living with more peace and purpose. I WANT PEACE AND PURPOSE. There are so many dreams I have for my life. And, it’s so embarrassing to admit this, the reason I haven’t made them real yet is because…I don’t follow through. I. DON’T. FOLLOW. THROUGH. I don’t set myself up for success. Without the built-in structure of school or university life, I’ve choked. I am no closer to achieving my dreams and goals than I was five years ago. Man, that’s ugly. But it’s the truth. I haven’t put in the work required to get organized.
Instead, chaos and anxiety have reigned.
But I’m done. That dramatic Dr. Phil Show moment kind of done. You know, “…I will not put up with this for another second, for another minute of another hour of another day…” Done.
When I first started this blog I thought I would be writing mostly about life after infertility. And I still will be writing about that because it so profoundly shook me to the core of my soul. It changed me so irrevocably. I’m starting to see even more clearly how that change has been for the greater good. For His greater glory. Kind of the like building muscle. You have to break it down first in order to build greater strength later. Which is why I feel ready to do this. I feel like the Spirit has been leading me to this point from the very beginning of all of it.
I’m calling it my Best Life Project.
Wherein I, the flighty-est, daydreamy-est, just-give-me-the-grand-thematic-picture person you will ever meet, will be systematically evaluating everything that is not working in my life and creating a plan for lasting change. I will be methodically and with specific detail identifying what I want from this life and creating a plan to make those things happen. I am going to create my best life.
I have spent my entire life believing that I needed to just take what I could get. That big dreams were something that came true for other people. But not me. That life was something happening to me rather than something I was creating.
I was wrong. I can do great things and I was created to have life abundantly. I deserve to get in the game just as much as any other glorious human being who has ever lived. We all deserve to take a shot.
And maybe, if you are like me…if you’re a person who thinks her brain is one that just won’t work that way…that you’re too messy and scatterbrained…seriously, me too. I hope that maybe my little project might show you that you are capable of taking charge of your life as well.
So step one? Behold my new planner. It’s so pretty. Look at it. I just want to stare at it all day. And it has my name on it. Why didn’t all you organized people tell me that planners could be so pretty and that you get to put your name on them? I might have started this a long time ago…
Time to fill up these pages.