I have an inner mean girl and she’s pretty vicious. Ruthless, even. I’m betting you probably have one too. You know who I’m talking about. She’s that bitch in your head who tells you how much you suck any time you’re feeling good about something in your life. Sound familiar? Would you possibly be interested in shutting her up? Believe it or not, I think I have some effective ideas to share on how to silence your inner mean girl.
Recognize Your Inner Mean Girl
Actual mean girl thought straight from my own head.
It’s important to filter out mean girl thoughts from all the other thoughts that blast around your head all day long. You should be able to recognize her voice pretty easily. I think she’s basically a combination of the mean girl treatment we received and the mean girl treatment we dished out. Because no matter where we fell on the social totem pole, whether we were Regina Georges, Janis Ians or Emma Gerbers, it’s fair to say that at some point we’ve all been victimized and done some victimizing ourselves. And I highly doubt you’ve forgotten any of that.
The good news? Most of us eventually grow up and realize that treating other people badly in an effort to feel better about ourselves is childish and wrong. Duh. And yet we don’t seem to apply that same maturity and basic decency when it comes to ourselves. We are fair game. Your inner mean girl knows this and will try to use it against you. You’ll know it’s her because she’s never constructive her only purpose is to bring you down. When we recognize her we can better prepare to push back and reject her.
Challenge Your Inner Mean Girl.
More from my inner mean girl. Charming, isn’t she?
I try to approach a mean girl thought the same way I approach an anxiety thought. Because really, she is herself a manifestation of anxiety. So challenge the poisonous thoughts she secretes with an alternative thoughts. Tell her where she’s wrong.
Mean Girl: You’re not talented.
Me: I am talented. Obviously there are people in the world who have MORE talent but that doesn’t mean I am not gifted with unique God-given gifts and talents. For example, I’m a pretty good writer. I am great at making connections and conceptualizing the big picture. I am an excellent peace-maker.
Mean Girl: You’re not interesting.
Me: Yes, I am interesting. Perhaps not to every single person walking the planet but, yes, lots of people are interested in my life and find me entertaining. I am witty. I make intelligent contributions.
Mean Girl: No one likes you.
Me: Not true. The truth is that some people like me and some people don’t. And that’s perfectly okay. I don’t need everyone to like me.
Push back against mean girl thoughts! Don’t just let her walk all over you. You will most likely find that she exaggerates your flaws and is unrealistically negative and critical.
Understand Your Inner Mean Girl.
Nope. I know who I am. I volunteer my time and give myself in service. I speak out for the vulnerable. I take a stand and protest oppression where I see it. I am a loving wife, mother and friend. That’s who I am.
Here’s the most important thing you need to know about mean girls. Deep down, all mean girls are really just sad girls. Angry girls. Scared girls. Hurting girls.
Your inner mean girl is the you who is sad. The you who is angry or scared or both. She’s the you who is hurting and looking for an easy target to lash out at without having to feel guilty about afterwards. Yourself. But when we pause and think about it logically we know that sad (angry, scared, wounded) people are not always reliable sources. Those people are likely to lash out with blind aggression. Whatever it is she’s saying, she’s saying it specifically to hurt you.
One of the best ways I have found to quiet that unhappy mean girl is to figure out what in my life is making me sad/angry/scared/hurt and do something about it. Maybe you need to have a come to Jesus moment with someone in your life. Or you might need to change your diet and commit to exercise and make time for more self-care. Maybe you need to take that difficult first step and talk to a doctor about treating your depression and anxiety.
Whatever it is. Reach out to someone if you need help, but make a plan to change what’s bothering you. Your inner mean girl needs sad/angry/scared/hurt fuel to survive. Stop feeding her!
You Deserve to be Happy.
Read that one again for me. You. Deserve. To. Be. Happy. You deserve to live in peace. Do not allow yourself to be bullied even if the relevant bully is yourself. Think about it. Seriously. The things you say to yourself…would you ever look another human being in the eye and say those things to her? You’re not pretty enough to pull off fat. I mean, damn… Of course you wouldn’t. Because you’re a good person.
You deserve to be happy. The things your inner mean girl tells you are lies. And if you don’t believe me, if you really, really, believe those terrible things about yourself are true, then you may be in deeper than I can swim. If so, then I lovingly encourage you to ask for appropriate help. Because no one deserves to feel that way. And you don’t have to feel that way.
You deserve to be happy. As the wise and beautiful Rachel Hollis once tweeted, don’t let someone in the cheap seats have an expensive opinion in your life. Ladies, your mean girl is one-hundred percent cheap seats.Tell her to sit down and shut up this week.
Also, if you haven’t yet, please, PLEASE go read Girl, Wash Your Face.